Friday, October 22, 2010

Ode to Book Clubs and Boys

I adore book clubs. I mean, really, really LOVE book clubs. Right now in my life, book clubs take 4 forms. The first is my Portland book club of about 12 years. Solid, joyful, deep, comfortable, connecting--I still keep up with what they read, and whenever I am in town I weasel my way into one of those amazing gatherings.
The second is Maya's bookclub--for moms and girls. We are going on year 3 right now. It has evolved a bit, but is similarly wonderful. We read the same books, moms and girls, and we have a comfortable groove for discussing things.
The third is a NYC mom's book club that I started about a year ago--we meet at a restaurant for dinner or dessert. There is a large group of women invited, and it is a different crowd that shows up every week--ranging from just one other person to 5 or so. It is a refuge, a monthly break from all things children, and an opportunity to be social and explore a new hot spot.
Tonight we had our first Boys Book Club. I must admit, I had my doubts--we started at dinner time with pizzas. After polishing off two enormous pies (and then some) the boys (and a few siblings) took off in an elaborate pirate/light saber/magic wand/shrieking/Nerf gun game that made them sound like at least a dozen children. Us moms chatted about schedule/format and other issues, a bit intimidated with how to start. Enter Maya:
"Ummm, if you don't start soon, I don't see how you're going to get those boys to stop playing and start talking about books!"
Maya. Always tells it like it is.
Ahem.
We called 'those boys' into the living room--they came tumbling in, screeching to a roly poly halt on the floor around the coffee table. Their faces eager and shining and hopeful and alert. We talked about how reading books is a bit like being a detective, and we have clues to what an author is trying to tell us but we have to figure out why he bothered to tell us anything at all. We mentioned the terms plot, protagonist and the antagonist, and how one drives the action forward and one pushes it back. We talked about how we did, actually, dare to "ruin the story" after all, for those who haven't finished the book--this is showtime--the whole book is up for grabs, and how can we talk about what it means if we can't discuss the whole book? We got into a groove about volunteering a comment without monopolizing or traipsing down the road of a tangent.
The book we discussed was Crispin by Avi. Set in the time of serfdom--a dark story about loss and hopelessness that turned into survival and connection in unlikely circumstances and the overall hopefulness of the possibility of social change. There was deception and death and discretion and fighting scenes. A perfect boys' book.
I sort of ran this meeting, since I am one of the few moms in our group who has had experience with and passion for book clubs. A lot of the meeting was me trying to lead gently--drawing them out, guiding their wild stories into order and structure. Helping them to focus and follow a productive path. They were tumbling over each other with their words--excited to contribute, eager to DO something with their thoughts about the book.
And so I fell in love with them.
Not with who they are right now.
But with the men they will become.
There is something about these boys.
their wildness
their energy

their sense of justice

their strength

They are hunters and protectors and leaders.
Watching boys grow up and learning to harness their power--it reminds me of Hercules, who kept getting into trouble because his strength kept making him destroy things when he only meant to help. Or a puppy with oversize paws who clumsily knocks everything over when he is playing.
As these boys grow up--as they learn
to show restraint
to be humble instead of crowing about their victories

to have discipline

to connect to others and be a part of a team

I can see them beginning the metamorphosis from boy to man.
I can see the point--of the sports, the fighting, the social jockeying.
And I'm so grateful that I get to be a boy mom too. It is magnificent.
I know girls. I am one, and the path is familiar, comfortable, where I spend most of my time. But this other path, this boy path--it is louder and rougher and more meandering and it calls forth things from me that I don't otherwise have cause to access.
It sizzles, this boy path.
As I sat there tonight--watching those shining eyes, listening to their lisping, cautious first attempts at literary analysis--I am inspired by their very boyness. That they admire strength and leadership and doing the right thing even if it is uncomfortable or lonely or violent. Their study of characters is totally different from what the girls come up with. I was surprised to notice this right off the bat in our first meeting.

May we have many more discussions down the road--of literature's heroes and villains. May it be a place to learn about who we want to be and how we want to play our part.

I'm so grateful to all of you BOYS. Your vibrant, beautiful little selves.

3 comments:

Dana Van Nest said...

Kristin, you are a beautiful writer. I haven't visited it in a long time, but am so glad I did today. As the mother of a boy who is just learning to read and a passionate book clubber myself, I truly felt your meaning. The other day as I set out our pumpkins, I remembered your post about the single mother and the slowly decomposing pumpkin on her porch. I don't think I'll ever forget that image. Too bad I live here and you live there, because I think the all grown up you and me could be good pals.

Kristin & Brett said...

Awww, thanks Dana.
And I think so too.
:)
Kristin

Nancye said...

I just read this finally. I've been reading "Deconstructing Penguins" and finished our book for the next meeting. I'm really excited about it and I really appreciate your thoughtful words about the first meeting! Looking forward to the next one!